Picture this familiar scenario: your baby cries, and instantly, your heart wrenches with the desire to make everything better, to erase their discomfort and restore peace. But what if I told you that sometimes, the best way to meet your child’s needs is by creating a bit of emotional distance?

The best gift that parents can give their newborn babies is to be in a strong and loving relationship. However, two-thirds of couples report dissatisfaction in their relationship the first three-years after a baby is born The one-third of couples who continued to feel satisfied in their relationships after the arrival of a baby realized that the stress they encountered with the birth of a new baby was outside of the relationship. When conflicts inevitably did arise, they were better able to manage them. Here are some things to do and not to do in your relationship after having a baby.

You have read What to Expect When You’re Expecting, you have tracked the size of your baby (by fruit) week-after-week, your registry has been reviewed and approved by all of your mom-friends, parenthood—you’ve got this!

The expectations and reality of having a newborn baby are often very different. If you or your partner is suffering from depression or anxiety after the birth of a baby, the postpartum period can have a devastating impact on your marriage and family. Even in the best of circumstances, with substantial support and resources, having a baby can be a challenge, an adjustment, and a strain on your relationship.