Mighty Mama: Amy Bahrani and Letting Go of "Mom"-posture Doubts

I first met Amy when her son, Henry, was one-week-old. You could tell— even then, that underneath the exhaustion, overwhelmed and awestruck feelings brought up by early motherhood—she was a #MightyMama. This is confirmed in Amy’s candid and thoughtful reflections of motherhood. But she admits she struggled to believe that she could have anything unique or helpful to contribute to other mothers.

The cultural pressure of motherhood demands that women transform into “supermom”. This is impossible. As a result, many women feel like “mom-postures”. According to a study, 30% of high achieving and successful women experience imposture feelings.

Amy is a brilliant, kind, and triumphant person, and she has integrated this into mothering a toddler and navigating a second pregnancy, a high-pressured career, which she takes immense pride in, and a recent suburban move. While Amy has been able to find the silver lining of pregnancy during a pandemic (trading in formal work attire for “maternity leggings every day”), she also identifies the ominous cloud of a lonelier pregnancy, “My husband can’t attend my doctor’s appointments, I don’t see my parents often, and I can’t binge Mexican food with my best friends… It can be really difficult some days.”

Yet, Amy prevails. She's let go of shame and doubt, which comes from her own expectations, and challenges herself to practice with gratitude and balance. As she anticipates the birth of baby #2, she has a new challenge for herself. See her thoughtful and honest responses below:

1. What is it like to be pregnant WITH a toddler DURING a pandemic? 

“While not wanting to minimize the immense suffering that this pandemic has had on millions of people and recognizing my incredible privilege to be able to work from home with childcare, I have found two big silver linings when it comes to being pregnant with a toddler during a global health pandemic. Firstly, I don’t have to dress up for anyone! I am in maternity leggings every day and haven’t had to wear formal work attire this whole pregnancy, which is like a dream come true. Secondly, I don’t feel pressure to hang out with people or entertain, especially with how tired I already feel with being pregnant and running after an (often naughty) toddler. The flip side is I do feel lonelier in this pregnancy than the last – my husband can’t attend my doctor appointments, I don’t see my parents often, and I can’t binge Mexican food with my best friends. I’m trying to see the silver lining more than just the ominous clouds, but it can be really difficult some days.”

2. How do you balance work and motherhood?

“I take immense pride in my career as an Aerospace and Defense Consultant, but in order for me to balance my high-pressure work with motherhood, at least to the extent that I don’t feel that neither is suffering more disproportionally than the other, I’ve found that I must be very clear about sharing what I need to be successful. At work, I need to be very honest about my ability to manage my workload and insistent about any reasonable accommodations I need. For example, I log-off every day at 3:30 in order to care for my son after his toddler program and then log back on after 7:30 until at least 10 pm to catch up. The days are long, but it’s worth it for me to spend meaningful time with him and still perform at work. At home, I strive to be open with my spouse so that he knows what support I need from him and vice versa. There are weeks when I have to work far too many hours, and he recognizes that in those times, I can’t share the responsibilities 50/50 at home. I know too that there will be weeks when I need to step up to support him and his ambitions – being honest with each other about what we need has been key to balancing responsibilities at home.”

3. What is something you will try to remember in the postpartum period with baby #2? 

“I read a quote once that went something like this: ‘How could you ever feel doubt or shame about your body now that you’ve seen that you can create a miracle.’ Our bodies go through such an incredible transformation with pregnancy and childbirth, and I know that with baby #2 I’m likely going to need a little more time for my body to heal and settle into whatever my new “normal” is. Yet like many moms, I see pictures of conventionally beautiful postpartum women and think, ‘Why didn’t I bounce back like that?’ I am going to challenge myself to love my body after the baby is born – whatever that looks like.”

4. What has been your favorite thing about motherhood? 

“My favorite thing about motherhood is simply watching my son grow. I have found it an immense privilege to witness so many first – first smile, first step, first words – and be this little human’s biggest cheerleader. So much happens so quickly, and I’m in awe of all of it.”

We are in awe of this Mighty Mama.