Healthy Stress: A Guide to Understanding Children’s Stress Response
My five-year-old daughter, dives into her backpack to take out her homework with enthusiasm and excitement. There is an absence of tension or urgency, as she carefully colors in the worksheet. There is no dread or stress—it’s my husband and I who groan at the prospect of adding more to an already jam-packed evening. The clear difference in our response compared to our daughter’s, makes me wonder where and how the stress response develops.
Everyone experiences stress. When children encounter stressors, their bodies activate the "fight, flight or freeze" response, triggering a cascade of physiological reactions, which prepares the body to confront or flee from the danger or shut down to protect itself. While this response is crucial for survival, prolonged activation of stress impacts children's physical health and cognitive development.
Impact on Brain Development
The developing brain is particularly sensitive to stress. Chronic stress can disrupt the formation of neural connections, impairing cognitive functions like memory, attention, and decision-making. Prolonged exposure to stress hormones can alter the structure of the brain, particularly the areas responsible for emotional regulation and stress management. These changes may increase children's vulnerability to mental health disorders later in life.
Nurturing Healthy Coping Mechanisms
As parents and caregivers, we play a crucial role in helping children navigate stressors and develop resilience. Here are some strategies to support your child:
Emotional Validation: Create a safe and supportive environment where your child feels comfortable expressing their feelings. Asking open-ended questions, acknowledging their emotions and validating their experiences, fosters a supportive atmosphere and helps develop self-awareness.
Teach Stress Awareness: Educate your child about stress and its effects on the body and mind. Encourage open discussions about what causes stress and how it manifests differently for everyone. This awareness empowers your child to recognize their stressors and seek help when needed.
Establish Coping Skills: Teach your child relaxation techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and progressive muscle relaxation. These practices help calm the nervous system, reduce stress hormones, and enhance emotional regulation skills. I tell my clients to have their child write or draw effective coping strategies on a notecard and put it in a shoebox, so the child can select a coping skill from their handmade “toolbox.”
Social Connections: Strong relationships provide a buffer against stress. Encourage your child to nurture friendships and maintain supportive connections with family members and trusted adults. Social support enhances resilience and provides a sense of belonging.
Model Healthy Coping: Your child learns by example, so model healthy coping strategies in your own behavior. Demonstrate how you manage stress in positive ways, such as taking breaks, seeking support, and engaging in hobbies or activities that bring joy.
Establish Routine and Predictability: Consistent routines create a sense of stability and predictability, reducing anxiety and stress. Establish regular mealtimes, bedtime routines, and schedules for activities to help your child feel secure and grounded.
The Stress Response: A Natural Survival Mechanism
Stress is not inherently bad or harmful. Our stress response is a natural survival mechanism designed to protect us from perceived threats. The more opportunities to manage minor and predictable stressors, the more the resilient a child will become in the face of larger stressful events. It is the unpredictable, uncontrollable and chronic stress that creates problems for children’s development and later adulthood.
The Impact of Unpredictable and Chronic Stress
Unpredictable and chronic stress—which includes aggressive and chaotic environments—can be detrimental to the emotional and physical health in children and later adults. This has been linked to a myriad of health problems, including high blood pressure, weakened immune function, anxiety disorders, trauma, and depression. It can impair cognitive function, disrupt sleep patterns, and strain relationships, leading to a cycle of escalating stress.
Children, just like adults, face stressors and they are developing the tools to manage stress effectively. Understanding your child’s stress response and nurturing healthy coping mechanisms is important to their emotional well-being and long-term resilience. Recovery from stress involves more than just alleviating the immediate symptoms; it requires a holistic approach to restore balance and build resilience.
Check out this week’s Therapist in Your EAR episode to learn more about the body’s stress response and recovery cycle.
Reference
Perry, B.D., & Winfrey, O. (2021). What happened to you? Conversation on trauma, resilience and healing. New York, NY: Flatiron Books