High Needs Parenting After 5 pm
We’ve all been there – juggling career, household responsibilities, and the emotional well-being of our families, which often peaks in intensity right after 5 PM. With school back in session and routines in full swing, most of us find ourselves facing this stretch of the day with dread. If you’re anything like me, the period between 5 PM and bedtime can feel like a marathon where everyone’s energy reserves are tapped, but there’s still so much to do. Dinner, homework, baths, books, and bedtime—plus, let’s not overlook solo time for yourself or spending quality time with your partner, if it even happens. This period in the day, is coupled with a common aspect of modern motherhood: the maternal mental load. Let’s break down why this time can be so overwhelming and, more importantly, what we can do about it.
Why the Evenings Feel So Challenging?
By 5:00, both you and your kids are likely running on empty. Whether you’ve spent the day at work or at home, you’re exhausted. Your children, coming from a full day of school or daycare, are likely overstimulated, tired, and hungry. Your brain is still processing everything from the day: the to-do list you didn’t finish, the dinner that needs to be prepped, and the bedtime routine that lies ahead. All of this leaves you mentally drained and prone to frustration. It’s a perfect storm for irritability, meltdowns, and power struggles.
Everything seem insurmountable after 5 PM; here’s why:
Dual Transitions: For parents, this time marks the end of the professional day and the beginning of family obligations. For kids, it’s the transition from school or daycare to home, where they seek comfort and attention.
Depleted Reserves: Both you and your kids are running on empty – physically and emotionally. Couple hunger, fatigue, and the chaos of untangling the day's events, and it’s a recipe for stress.
High Expectations: Post-5 PM is typically packed with high-need tasks: dinner, homework, baths, bedtime stories – all preferably done seamlessly. Any slight deviation can feel overwhelming.
But it’s not just the tasks themselves that make this time of day hard—it’s the mental load behind it.
Understanding the Mental Load
The mental load refers to the invisible, yet palpable, mental work and planning that all parents experience. However, maternal mental load includes this, and the societal expectations unfairly placed mothers. It’s the continuous cycle of scheduling doctor’s appointments, remembering everyone’s favorite snacks, coordinating playdates, and being the emotional glue that holds it all together.
What Does Mental Overload Look Like?
Decision Fatigue: After making decisions all day—at work or home—you find yourself mentally exhausted by the time 5:00 rolls around. Even deciding what to make for dinner or how to handle a bedtime meltdown feels like too much.
Emotional Overwhelm: You’re not just physically tired—you’re emotionally spent. After a long day of caregiving, work, or both, your emotional tank is running low, making it harder to remain patient when your child is upset or uncooperative.
Inability to Focus: You’re trying to finish one thing (like cooking dinner), but your mind is racing with thoughts about the rest of the night—“Did I remember to sign that permission slip? What time is the dentist appointment tomorrow? Will my toddler go to sleep without a fight tonight?”
Practical Tips for Managing the Mental Load
Brain Dump Earlier in the Day: Write down everything that’s on your mind—tasks, worries, things to remember. This helps free up mental space for the evening and reduces the mental chaos.
Prep Ahead, Even in Small Ways: If the idea of prepping dinner feels daunting, it doesn’t have to be a big undertaking. Chop veggies or measure out ingredients throughout the days; little things like filling water bottles or setting the table can help, too.
Set Up a Transition Ritual for Your Child: Create a calming, predictable activity for your child right before dinner that can signal the day is winding down. Also giving you a moment to mentally prepare for the evening.
Outsource When Possible: If there are things you can delegate, do it! Whether it’s meal kits, hiring help for house cleaning, or getting your partner more involved in the bedtime routine, outsourcing frees up mental space and can lighten your load significantly.
Minimize Distractions: Put away phones and work devices during family time. This signals to your children that you’re present and available and allows for more genuine connections.
Have a Realistic Mindset: Accept that the 5 PM hour may never be completely smooth and that’s okay. Some days, just getting through without losing your cool is a victory. Give yourself permission to do what you need to do to survive the evening—whether that’s ordering takeout or skipping the bath.
Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that feeling overwhelmed is natural. Take deep breaths, step away if needed, and don't hesitate to ask for help.
When to Seek Additional Support
If the 5 PM struggles feel insurmountable regularly, consider additional support. Parenting classes, therapy, or consulting a child development specialist can provide valuable guidance and relief.
By taking small steps to lighten your mental load, you can approach this high-needs parenting time with more patience and presence. Remember, you’re not just taking care of your kids—you need to take care of yourself, too. With a few mindful adjustments, you can navigate this hour with more greater ease and less guilt. You’re not alone in this challenging journey. You’re doing great—don’t forget that.
Check out more about the 5 pm hour on Therapist In Your EAR or wherever you listen to podcasts.