The love, joy, tradition, and efforts mothers pour into their families on Valentine’s Day that is often dismissed or unseen. This is also known as invisible mental overload. If you are not a mother or do not know, motherhood mental overload is a real and exhausting phenomenon many women experience where they are constantly juggling multiple responsibilities, such as caring for their children, managing the household, working outside of the home, and occasionally staying up late connecting tiny toy hearts to school Valentine’s Day cards.  Often mothers take on the task of helping their children create and distribute Valentine’s Day cards to their classmates, which can be time-consuming and stressful.

Amanda is a mother and an Infertility and Postpartum Doula and Coach. She is passionate about sharing her education and experiences with new parents and parents-to-be. When she started trying to conceive she knew nothing about infertility. But negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test left her feeling overwhelmed, disappointed, and alone. As Amanda chronicled her fertility journey, she realized how hopeful she was that her experiences would prevent other moms-to-be and new moms from feeling alone in their stories. Amanda founded Heartfelt Beginnings and began helping others the way she wished that someone had helped her.

The best gift that parents can give their newborn babies is to be in a strong and loving relationship. However, two-thirds of couples report dissatisfaction in their relationship the first three-years after a baby is born The one-third of couples who continued to feel satisfied in their relationships after the arrival of a baby realized that the stress they encountered with the birth of a new baby was outside of the relationship. When conflicts inevitably did arise, they were better able to manage them. Here are some things to do and not to do in your relationship after having a baby.

Vania always wanted to be a mom. But when she unexpectedly became pregnant a few months into her relationship with her now-husband, she was nervous. “It definitely caused a lot of discord and strong emotions trying to navigate being a new parent and still trying to figure out who each other was.” The first year of motherhood was challenging for Vania, she felt anxious, and full of rage—a common symptom of PPD—and knew something did not feel right. “My rage episodes often happened when my anxiety would become unmanageable. It was hard and I often hated myself after it happened.” On her worst days, Vania found herself having intrusive thoughts. “I remember talking to my husband that I didn’t feel like myself, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.” It wasn’t until a few years later that Vania realized that she was suffering from postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety.

I first met Amy when her son, Henry, was one-week-old. You could tell— even then, that underneath the exhaustion, overwhelmed and awestruck feelings brought up by early motherhood—she was a #MightyMama. This is confirmed in Amy’s candid and thoughtful reflections of motherhood. But she admits she struggled to believe that she could have anything unique or helpful to contribute to other mothers.

Meet Rachel Chaimovitz this week's #MightyMama and mother to 16-month old, Leavitt. Rachel opens up about her motherhood journey, including unexpectedly becoming a stay-at-home mom when she had been planning on returning to work Rachel has embraced full-time motherhood and her baby boy, Leavitt, and shares how he has helped her become the best version of herself.

Pride celebrates the Stonewall Uprising in Manhattan on June 28, 1969—an event that became a galvanizing force for LGBTQ+ political activism and the Gay Rights Movement. Over 50 years of fighting for liberation and equality, same-sex marriage is constitutionally legal and civil rights laws protect gay and trans people from workplace discrimination. But there is still more work to do, especially for the Black trans community. Pride comes during a time when continued racism and the many deaths of unarmed Black people are tearing through our country—a country where systemic racism has permeated and oppression has been allowed to persist.

Therapists typically do not have photos of their families or loved ones framed in their office. The art on their walls is often abstract, not suggesting any strong likes or dislikes. Even the clothes therapists wear doesn’t reveal what they may have planned for after the session. I have always felt that therapists should be a neutral presence in the therapy room. Sometimes, we think of therapists as a blank screen, other times as a mirror. That is until recently…

With quarantine and social distancing, you and your partner are likely experiencing a lot of “togetherness”. Perhaps this has brought out the best in your relationship, but more likely you have suddenly noticed how loudly your partner chews their cereal in the morning. Most people are experiencing increased anxiety due to COVID-19 and if you are in a relationship, then you may be taking out this stress on your partner. While it is not always fair, it is easy to take out anger, stress, anxiety, or frustrations on the ones you love. Welcome to being in a relationship at the time of quarantine.

Instead of hearing about healthy relationships from the therapist in the family, I asked my husband, “B” his thoughts and feelings about relationships. And here he is what he had to say…

Infertility, or the inability to conceive after trying to do so, impacts individuals, couples, and families in many different ways. It increases stress and is associated with mental health concerns, particularly anxiety and depression. One of the scariest things about infertility is not knowing whether or not a pregnancy will be possible even with a variety of treatments available. Those trying to get pregnant may have increasingly invasive or long-term treatments. With each menstrual cycle, there is another opportunity for disappointment, anger, or despair.

This is a scary and uncertain time for many people. Social distancing and state-mandated shelter-in-place have changed our lives, at least temporarily. Because of coronavirus and social distancing, you may find yourself working from home for the first time. Perhaps you regularly work remotely but are now confined to your home with your kids. With schools canceled and limited childcare options, many parents find themselves in the same boat (sinking ship?) trying to balance work and parenting responsibilities, at the same time, in the same household. Seems nearly impossible, right?

I teamed up with Career Strategist and Leadership Coach, Emily Eliza Moyer to help working parents figure out how to create a productive work environment—even with kids around—and become better at time management and prioritization.

These are unprecedented and uncertain times. With uncertainty comes a feeling of losing control. It is often this lack of control that sparks anxiety or panic. Many people may be experiencing anxiety for the first time in their lives. As we continue to navigate these challenging times, we recognize that no one is exempt from what is occurring in the world right now—including therapists.

As with many good ideas, the name Nurture Therapy was conceived at brunch with friends. I was actually helping another friend brainstorm a name for her women-driven business and suggested Nurture. Nurture means to care for and encourage the growth or development of; to supply with nourishment. I liked that the name implied a feminine-strength and inherent caring of self and others. My friend politely declined the name suggestion and we decided that it would be a better fit for my future practice, if and when, I decided to start a group practice. And so the name was with me for almost a year before anything came of it.

There is an unfortunate misconception that self-care only counts when you are spending time or money to take care of yourself. Sure, spending the day at a spa or getting a mani/pedi are great ways to take care of yourself if you have the time and resources to do so. But if you do not have the luxury of time or additional income, it is easy to make excuses about why you can’t take care of yourself. Instead, it is more important to find realistic ways to take care of yourself everyday.

Here are six self-care tips that you can practice everyday (that doesn’t include a pedicure). 

Sara was in her late 30’s when she became pregnant and she and her husband were ecstatic. However, her pregnancy included both physical and mental health concerns that increased with each trimester. Her physical discomfort included pain in her hips, difficulty walking and sleepless nights. She became increasingly paranoid and started to think of her baby as “an alien” growing inside of her. After giving birth her paranoia and delusions increased. Sara saw no less than five medical professionals, none of who were able or willing to properly diagnose or refer her for treatment. Sara had developed postpartum psychosis. Luckily, peripartum psychosis is rare, only impacting 0.1%-0.2% of women. What is not rare is Sara’s experience finding appropriate mental health treatment. Many women suffering from perinatal mood disorders don’t seek professional help. Treatment for perinatal mood disorders can significantly decrease stress and reduce symptomology. So why aren’t women in treatment? 

Meet Mighty Mama Sammi Verhey and her 1-year-old daughter, Winnie. Sammi balances the adventures of parenting with a combination of humor, love and respect. Sammi discusses both the joyful and challenging moments that accompany parenting. “Sense of humor is so important for my sanity… so much of parenting is beyond your immediate control that laughing through the low points when you’re covered in spit up, or deliriously tired, or stretched too thin reminds you that the tough moments are fleeting.” Sammi is a role model for new moms out there as she remembers what bonding was like with a new infant, “It was a slow progression until we got to know each other. And once we did, it was incredible and so meaningful.” Sammi also talks about how she fosters her daughter’s independence (while supervised, of course), contagious energy and imagination! Read more on the blog about Sammi’s adventures in parenting with daughter, Winnie.

It is difficult to convince a postpartum woman to go to therapy. Whether or not she is depressed, a new mom is exhausted, overwhelmed and preoccupied with her new baby. Understandably, early motherhood is not the best time to introduce a therapeutic-relationship or impose a healing process that is time-intensive and costly. However, if her symptoms become worse after the baby is born, if she is experiencing intrusive or distorted thoughts, or if she is suffering enough, then she needs help and there may be no choice, but to get help right away. But how do you encourage her to engage in therapy?

When Beth imagined motherhood, she pictured her and her husband John, lying in their bed on a Saturday morning. She imagined their little baby perfectly content lying between them. Beth and John would lovingly look at each other, and think how lucky they were to have this beautiful baby and perfect family.

What Beth did not imagine is being up at 3:00 AM with a colicky, screaming baby, feeling alone, depressed, and resentful as her husband is sound asleep in the next room. Beth is filled with feelings of guilt and worthlessness as she thinks to herself: ‘this is not the life I pictured. I must be a terrible mother. My family would be better off without me.’

You have read What to Expect When You’re Expecting, you have tracked the size of your baby (by fruit) week-after-week, your registry has been reviewed and approved by all of your mom-friends, parenthood—you’ve got this!

The expectations and reality of having a newborn baby are often very different. If you or your partner is suffering from depression or anxiety after the birth of a baby, the postpartum period can have a devastating impact on your marriage and family. Even in the best of circumstances, with substantial support and resources, having a baby can be a challenge, an adjustment, and a strain on your relationship.

Jamie Kreiter is a Chicago-based therapist who treats clients with postpartum depression and anxiety issues around fertility, pregnancy and parenthood. She is partnered with Better and recommends our services to her clients and we wanted to learn more about her practice and how she uses Better to give her clients more access to treatment.